Monthly Archives: April 2009

‘God keeps making gays’*

John Bell

John Bell

Greenbelt has a podcast.

John Bell said that.* I’m not going to explain it.**

The two are linked.

If you subscribe to the Greenbelt podcast (click on John’s lovely bearded Scottish head for more info) you can get free Greenbelt talks; including the one where John Bell said that* then you can hear why he said that* and all will be explained.**

If you do subscribe, it’d be great if you jotted a quick review on itunes too; it helps the people who put it together to know what they are doing right and what they could do better, and it helps itunes to rank the podcast.



SHITMAT ramble


shitmat1Last week I was fortunate enough to spend some time in the north of the country…I know, grim I hear you say, workshyfop you may mutter…but it was necessary for me to put an end to this north/south divide and I felt honoured to be the representative from down here to go up there and try and find a way forward.  Any road up arr duck I have been mostly unaffected by the language and feel a right pilluck for thinking bad of these pale creatures for so long.  We made peace and some might say bonded.   So on the Friday night it was necessary for us to spend some time enjoying what wonders the night might offer in Leeds town.  Due to a taxi driver reversing into a dear friend to us all, I and (he who shall be referred to as..) Mr W (for legal reasons) were left in The Met hotel lobby for some time – we did catch a little bit of The One Show too but missed Ooncle Steve talking about Easter.  Now you may think Cooper, he is not a clock watcher, but time was certainly running against all of us… The evening soon turned into the night and by the time lawyer’s brothers to taxi firm mafia type gangster folk had negotiated with Cooper, we needed food and relaxation and so took to the outer quarters for solace.  Now, had we not have ended up in what turned out to a splendid part of town with a right tasty chippy n all we might have gone to see a man like SHITMAT perform in town.  I think both Mr W and myself were attracted to this night, I for the music and he for the other noises that might make even foundry workers’ ears bleed.  Unfortunately we didn’t end up going but had a smashing night all the same.

The following morning I left my lodgings at an earlier than expected hour and was sat on a Leeds to Manchester earlier than scheduled on my tickety thing train, not for long before the man with the machine tried to charge me a further fifteen English pounds (approximately fifteen euros to any European readers) or put me onto the next station.  Thankfully our cart was being given a far more entertaining and distracting scene from what seemed to be a young bearded tramp with fake blood strewn about his attire and a rather shabby baseball cap on and I got away with staying on and not paying anything more.  He was drinking old English cider and phoning everyone from his mobile phone book in a rather drunken and somewhat disorientated fashion.  His words were jumbled and it seemed incredible that this man had made it to the train, was able to pay his fare, was going to be allowed to fly from Manchester airport and could afford the luxuries about his person…top of the range mobile, expensive mini laptop thingy, high quality headphones of the oversized variety and other such items.   This was not an average Joe and it took some getting to know the chap before one might understand what he was about.   He slowly gave away information about himself in the loudest and most indiscrete fashion, he did explained to one phone friend ‘I have forgotten my manners and the people on the train must think bad of me…’  and they did, there was tutting and heckling from every section of the carriage.  Except of course from myself who was intrigued, was he a traveller type, was he a stray or was he involved in some unusual activity.  He then mentioned that he wanted certain recreationals to be available in Galway and talked about the Rusko track ‘snes dub’ he was listening to and other references that suggested he was into music.  He continued to talk through some tour dates and explained to his chums that he needed some company on the journey hence the phone calls.  He said that on the previous evening in Leeds he told them that ‘I’m not going on until you have sorted out my microphone’ and it seemed that he had been up all the night without any sleep.  The poor chap was in a terrible way and although in a way I think some of us might like to have a wild and crazy life on the road playing our wonderful homemade creations to all it serves as a cool warning.  Well he is touring at the moment and since getting back and looking at pictures I realise it is the man himself…check him soon and I might try too, cos whatever was going on the night before, it seemed interesting!